Swine Trek: Still in Space
by AughrasEye
Summary: (First submission ever. I hope someone out there enjoys it.) Return to the old show Swine Trek and see what the crew has been up to.
1. Episode 1

**(Disclaimer: None of these awesome characters belong to me but were written with fandom love. I have fond memories of Pigs in Space and thought I would introduce them to some new friends.)**

 **Announcer** : Pigs...In...Space! Starring the insensate Captain Link Hogthrob, the terminally adorable First Mate and Second in Command Miss Piggy, and the occasionally phosphorescent Dr. Julius Strangepork. When we last left the Swinetrek, the crew were still trying to solve the case of the missing soft-serve machine...

 _There are flashing lights and an alarm sounding on the ship._

 **First Mate Piggy** : Mon Capitain! There seems to be a little light flashing on the screen.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob** : Yes, it's very pretty.

 **First Mate Piggy** : Yes...but I think it might also be a warning of some kind.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob** : Ha ha ha ha. It's cute when you "think".

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork** : Captain Link, we seem to have a proximity alert. There's another ship docking with ours.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob** : Did we order take out?

 **First Mate Piggy** : We're in deep space.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob** : That means they are getting a really big tip.

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork:** The swine scanner is picking up two life forms headed this way, and one of them...is not a swine.

 **First Mate Piggy** : So one of them is?

 _Piggy looks directly at you, dear reader_

What are the odds. Wait, never mind, another pig!

 _Piggy straightens her uniform and primps._

How does my hair look? Fantastique?

 _The side door of the set slides open and a duck and pig enter, taking in the scene._

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Well, look at thith outdated tin can. This is thuppothed to be a thip?

 _Daffy looks at the three member crew._ So, is the a new Hogwarthth Expreth?. Do you know anyone here young thpace cadet?

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : Just because we are pigs, sir, doesn't mean that we are rela-, r-r-rela-, r-r-rela-, family.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob** : I don't see any pizza. What are you doing on my ship?

 **Cadet Porky Pig:** We found an ice cream machine floating in space and followed its tragec-...trugector-..where it came from.

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork** : Oh, I guess I did leave that hatch door open.

 **First Mate Piggy** : Isn't anyone going to ask who these intruders are?

 **Daffy Duck Dodgers** : You don't know uth? Well! I'm Captain Dodger and this is my Thpace Cadet, and were are the Duck Dodgerth in the twenty-fourth and a half thentury!

 **First Mate Piggy** : From the Planet Speech Impediment?

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** Speech impediment? I just thought he was French.

 **Dr Julius Strangepork** : Well, the important thing is that we have the Soft-Serve Machine back. After my modifications, it is extremely dangerous and should really be tested before it is used again.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Modificationth? What'th that, Doc?

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork:** Yes, it was an experiment to see if I could make anti-gravity ice cream, but I'm not sure I had it quite right. You didn't use it, did you?

 **Cadet Porky Pig:** Uh..well...

 **Daffy Duck Dodger:** Of COURTH I didn't uth it, I mean, who would just use an ith cream macthine just floating in thpace?

 _Daffy immediately flattens into a pool on the floor with his eyes and bill floating on the surface._

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : Oh, dear.

 **Dr Julius Strangepork** : Seems I added a little too much gravity.

 **First Mate Piggy:** I think that's an improvement.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Watch it, thithter.

 **Announcer** : Join us again next week...

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Wait! You can't leave me like thiith!

 **Announcer:** For another thrilling and pointless episode of Pigs...In...The 24th and ½ Century!


	2. Episode 2

**Announcer** : Pigs...In...Space! Starring the hair gel poster pig Captain Link Hogthrob, the overly luscious First Mate and Second in Command Miss Piggy, and the never photogenic Dr. Julius Strangepork. When we last left the Swinetrek, the crew were thrillingly sitting in swivel chairs heroically thinking about being heroic...

 **Capatin Link Hogthrob** : Well crew, it looks like another fine day in space. None of the scary lights are flashing on the consoles, there are no alarms, and I am having another perfect hair day.

 **Dr Julius Strangepork:** Actually Captain, there does seem to be two issues.

 _Dr Strangepork gestures to the side of the set, where Daffy and Porky are now standing._

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : What ith going on around here? One thecond I'm a duck thoup and the next we're in a completely different part of thpace?

 **First Mate Piggy:** You two are still here? Oh great, a running gag.

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : B-b-but we haven't moved at all.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Thith plath is too weird. Let'th got back to our thip, thpace Cadet.

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : Aye aye, Sir.

 **First Mate Piggy** : Bon voyage, Duck.

 _Warning light flash and alarms sound._

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Oh! What now!

 **Captain Link Hoghtrob:** We seem to be experiencing pretty lights again. I remember that means something...hmmmm...

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork** : Yes sir, that is the proximity alert. It appears another ship is getting ready to dock with us.

 _Everyone struggles to maintain balance as the entire set shudders._

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork** : Never mind, they have already docked.

 _The door on the other side of the set opens, letting in a bouncing green dog and a fast walking alien holding a very large gun._

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Oh no! Not thith guy again.

 **Marvin the Martian:** Hello primitive Earth creatures. This foul-billed fowl stole my favorite missile and I am here to retrieve it.

 **Capatin Link Hogthrob** : I was wondering what kind of dog that was. A golden retriever you say?

 **First Mate Piggy** : More like a tarnished golden retriever.

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork** : That gun says ACME. What kind of gun is that do you think? I've never seen such a thing.

 **Capatin Link Hogthrob** : Of course not, it's alien.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Look walking ink blob, I know what you are planning to do with that mithile and you can have it back over my dead duck'th body.

 _Marvin raised the gun towards Daffy._

 **Marvin the Martian** : That is the plan.

 **Waldorf** : That is cliché.

 **Statler** : They're playing croquet?

 **Waldorf** : No you old fool, cliché! As in not an original thought?

 **Statler** : Well, sure. This show hasn't had an original thought yet.

 **Waldorf** and **Statler** : Oh ho ho ho ho. Funny.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger** : Now where did theth guys come from? What ith going on, theriouthly!

 **First Mate Piggy** : Hey, someone control this mutt. Moi will not put up with space fleas!

 **Announcer** : Is the grass always greener on the other side? Can you actually judge a book by it's cover? Tune in again next week...

 **Daffy Duck Dodger:** No. No. NO. Not again!

 **Announcer** : For another potentially thrilling episode of Pigs...In...A Blanket!


	3. Episode 3

**Announcer:** Pigs…In…Space! Starring Captain Link Hogthrob, the one that went to market, the First Mate and Second in Command Miss Piggy, the one who wished she'd stayed home, Dr. Julius Strangepork, the one who has roast beef, and Cadet Pork Pig, the one who had none.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger:** What! My cadet geth top billing? I am Daffy Duck Dodger! I'm the one that bringth home the bacon!

 **Announcer:** When we last left Swine Trek, no one had any idea what was going on. But there appeared to be something with a duck, a dog, and a….whatever.

 _Gonzo pops up in the space port window, holding a chicken._

 **Gonzo:** Excuse me, but I am the official whatever around here.

 **First Mate Piggy:** You can say that again.

 **Gonzo:** Ok. Excuse me, but I am the official whatever around here.

 **Chicken:** Bawk, b-bawk bawk, begawk.

 **Gonzo:** That's right Camilla.

 _Gonzo leaves still holding the chicken._

 **First Mate Piggy:** Are we even trying to pretend we're in space anymore?

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork:** Captain, the ship seems be overrun with whatevers and apathy. What are your orders?

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** My orders? Ah, yes, my orders. I'm not sure where I last had them. Maybe under my chair?

 **Marvin The Martian:** These Earth creatures are far too odd. Come, K-9, let us leave this place and journey to the ACME warehouse to buy a new favorite missile.

 **Daffy Duck Dodger:** Wait a thecond Bub! I'm going with you. I've had my fill of thpace thwine.

 **Marvin The Martian:** I have no idea what you are saying.

 _Marvin and Daffy both exit together stage right._

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** First Mate Piggy, I have a very urgent and important job for you.

 **First Mate Piggy:** Oh, we're back. Aye-aye Captain. I am ready to boldly go where no heart-achingly gorgeous pig has gone before.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** Great! Please look under all our chairs for my missing orders. I don't want to wrinkle my uniform. It was just pressed.

 **First Mate Piggy:** Yes, because we wouldn't want to have your uniform match the wrinkles on your face, would we. That's it! I need a drink. I'm out of here.

 _Miss Piggy also exits stage right._

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** There are wrinkles on my face! Red Alert!

 _Red lights flash and alarms sound._

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** Emergency! Doctor, what do we do?

 **Dr. Julius Strangepork:** Oh, I know! We can find my radioactive anti-wrinkle mud mask. I quit testing it a while ago because of all the strange side effects, but we can give it another go.

 **Captain Link Hogthrob:** What are we waiting for!

 _The Captain hurries off the set, followed closely by the Doctor. Porky realizes he is alone, look around to be sure, then race to the Captain's chair._

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : F-f-finally. F-f-fire the laser cannons! Then perform evasive man-manu-turns!

 _Scooter appears in the space port window._

 **Scooter:** Um, sorry to interrupt but we don't have the budget for laser cannons. Or turns.

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : What do we have the budget for?

 **Scooter:** Nothing. We used the last of our money on the red alert.

 **Announcer:** Join us again next week…

 **Scooter:** We don't have the money for next week either.

 **Announcer:** Join us at the bar, as we all have drinks with Miss Piggy!

 **Cadet Porky Pig** : Th-the, th-th-the, th-th-that's all folks!


End file.
